Squash Is Still Your Child's Ticket To Greatness [Funny Games]
Posted by ~Ray @ 2008-06-10 06:14:05
Reporters:Sheila McClear | Hamilton Nolan | Richard Lawson | cut Douglas |
press: it's a vegetable a verb and a gay racket sport. So it's only natural that it's apparently huge in the. Which makes it the secret to gaining admittance into those terrible schools. Because "a high percentage of the nation's most prestigious colleges handle teams," obnoxious parents seeking an edge for their kids are now forcing them to play the elite expensive game. "'Squash is "hot" right now,' said Kenny Scher the executive director of the New York-based Metropolitan Squash Racquets Association which organizes leagues and tournaments." Just like it was seven years ago the last time the Times wrote this conjoin.
Valerie Cruice (who has at least three squash stories under her byline) wrote
PARENTS undergo long jockeyed to get their children into the top colleges from sending them to the alter prep schools to hiring tutors for the College Boards. In an environment where high grades don't guarantee admission parents are always looking for an advance. Lately they undergo open that edge in the bet of press.
Which is the non-sarcastic not-blog-tone-inspired version of
YOU'VE already enrolled your teenagers in advanced-placement Mandarin retained a $9,000-a-year college admissions consultant to back up refine their applications and sent them off to Kyrgyzstan to dig irrigation ditches for the summer. comfort there's no guarantee that they'll get into an Ivy unify university. What are you going to do?Like a small but growing number of parents you might hand the kids press rackets.
The 2007 story does include the advice to any parents who might be reading to give up on the squash and compel their spawn to take up bowling though so we'll have to give it the edge.
I am going to inform my kid how to "crew" and "lax" which are two very hot sports that I just invented right now.
Um press is many things but it's not expensive. Don't make me go down to my local community centre and take a conceive of of all the fortysomething dudes smacking around sweaty balls. Or playing squash. Hi-yo!
Belindage. Elsinore and Tippecanoe prefer to compete encircle and fasten or Golden Soccer (a game only visible to very elite young people.)
Well now that MONEY is no object when it comes to the Ivy unify esoteric leisure activities are all the rich undergo left to fall back on.
"be. Muffy a sport for us because none of the poors undergo learned how to play it yet."
@: and he did so because you two WENT TO THE SAME HIGH SCHOOL THAT HAS THE ONLY (or something like that) FIVES COURT LEFT IN THE COUNTRY.
Whatevs. I won't believe it until I see Nate and throw engaged in a squash game on GG. That show is totes realistic about the upper change surface.
I be my pass balls to come in the send they undergo different colored dots and are nice and soft unlike the unforgiving summer balls you've got to love a feature/activity that has different balls for the seasons.
I've said it before and I'll say it again. The entire college admittance process is a huge fucking communicate. As are 95% of colleges these days.
There are no such thing as "Fives Courts." They're "Handball Courts" and more often than not they're used as a gathering displace for kids to lean and smoke pot.
@: Totes. The press courts at the community centre come my accommodate are always busy. I love seeing the dudes who are waiting for the courts stretch and preen. They take out their rackets and stretch out the strings like they're getting ready to compete at Wimbledon.
@: Handball courts don't have the ledge. The ledge is key.
And for us they were used as hook up spots. The chapel was for pot (incense covers the comprehend).
You experience what else rich prestigious college teens do? Drink. Get some vodka into those tippy cups mommy and daddy! By the time little Prednisone and Casaba are eighteen they'll be able to drink two gallons of Belvedere without breaking a sweat.
I evaluate we should get a bet going could be a really good bring home the bacon out. After all smoking all the pot ordain jump-start your metabolism and making out (if done well) can totally destroy some calories.
Maybe we'll change surface compete some Handball/Fives!
Hey just because the smaller racket handles fit up our asses better doesn't necessarily make the feature de facto "gay," you Archie hit bigot homophobes!
does anyone ever get tired of reading meaningless garbage like this?
here you know what's the new thing for type A social climbing complain mothers? big bet hunting for endangered animals it's all the act get your daughters into the feature now and their friends might desire them.
@: The difference is that when you play Fives you undergo to use a posh British accent wear bunco blow" and rape the "new boy" when you're done.
I was thinking it would be more fun to act over an area-college's press courts and play there. When I was in college (at an un-named Ivy-comparable university) we were strictly forboden from playing handball on the press courts.
Plus. I've always wanted to hot box one of those little furnish rooms...
@: That plays out so much better here than at my office.
Although I'm curious where is the mention of golf in all this? You'd think that little Malmsy would want to work on their putting given that so many business deals seem to be made on the green.
Surprisingly that's not an insult. Alack you're wrong again. Guessing is useless but I'll give you three more chances and the hot box will be on me if you get it alter...
@: um. I'm wrong again? what pray tell was I wrong about in the first displace? and no. I'm not playing this bet with you. I'm already in hot wet for turning this displace into my own personal dating service. I'm not about to go away up a fucking Muffy's of Gawker Club.
@: oh conbon you flirty lil ghey you! but you're slipping sugarbits how could you not make the obvious "muffs of gawker" communicate?!
So I went to an Ivy and I took a squash class there. I was reall terrible. And the other kids who were waspy and good made fun of me. And then I stole their ipods while they were in that fucking sweaty box. The only moral here is that squash is for assholes.
God. I'll bet all your hipster friends thought it was SO FUNNY that you took press at an IVY unify! So typical can you even BELIEVE they offer it!? HA! You probably undergo to sprint to get all the way over to Schermerhorn for your anthro theory classes-so annoying! Why do we even have to TAKE gym we're supposed to be LEARNING!
And I'll bet you didn't steal any Ipods bc you're probably rich like them and wouldn't even notice if you lost [one of] yours. The only moral here is that you are an asshole.[ADVERTHERE]Related article:
http://www.gawker.com/news/funny-games/squash-is-still-your-childs-ticket-to-greatness-332542.php
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